Guy details 4 year battle with birds making nests on his house
Nathan Johnson
Published
07/20/2018
you know of course this means war
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1.
“So we bought a new house. This house has a nice gas fireplace and the exhaust was tucked neatly away near the back door. The problem was, the little nook appeared to be a perfect place for birds to nest because of the protection of the roof and heat from the fireplace” -
2.
“August 2014: The first time I noticed the little guys, they caught me off guard, but thought nothing of it. They were just trying to keep warm, I figured. They startled easily and flew away whenever I would walk in/out of my back door, which scared the sh*t outta me. At first I ignored it, but they started sh**ting and building a nest INSIDE the exhaust” -
3.
“March 2015: Next spring, I decided to wrap the exhaust in chicken wire (Iteration 1). I was proud of the tidy, little wrap I did, patted myself on the back and figured that was it…” -
4.
“May 2015: Apparently it wasn’t. They found a nice little crevice on top of the exhaust to build a neat, little nest. Ok fine. No babies, so nest is gone. Easy enough” -
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“The bird came back the very next day. Cleared it out and they didn’t seem to come back for the rest of the season. Awesome!” -
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“May 2016: ….” -
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“Ok this is getting annoying. So I added bird spikes on top which I figured would keep them out for good. NOPE. They came back with a vengeance. It not only didn’t keep them away, but the spikes seemed to stabilize their nest. This time they brought coloured twine! I cleaned out the nest, next day they came back with more blue twine. Cleaned it out, and THEY CAME BACK AGAIN WITH MORE GODDAMNED TWINE.. They must have had a stock pile somewhere” -
8.
“June 2016: HA! You want to f*ck with me? Fine… MORE BIRD SPIKES, B*TCHES! No way they’ll build anything no— -
9.
“May 2017: F*ck” -
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“July 2017: f*ck f*ck f*ck” -
11.
“Wrapped the entire opening at the top” -
12.
“I’m smarter than you, bitc—” -
13.
“May 2018: what the absolute f*ck??! HOWWWW???!! So apparently, I left a small opening on the right side. Those birds were flying up into their now high-end GATED F*CKING COMMUNITY!” -
14.
“May 2018: Meet Dr. Who. He scared the hell out of those birds and they haven’t been back since” -
15.
“July 2018: closing the gap on the right side just for good measure. They gave me a run for my money and it’s not pretty, but after 4 years, lots of bird shit and 6 iterations, I think this will be the final one. If I see them back next year, I may just give in and try to charge them rent” -
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People loved the battle -
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